By now you probably feel you have heard all there is about the Law of Attraction. You have seen “The Secret,” you have read my article about it, heard about it on Oprah. Perhaps you are even doing your best to put it into practice. Good! What else is there possible to say about the Law of Attraction other than, “Just do it”? Well, actually there is a lot more to say. If it is that simple to work with the Law of Attraction then why are so many people still struggling to have happy, meaningful lives? Why do people stay in bad jobs, bad marriages, and bad situations? Why are so many of us convinced that it won’t get any better than this?
Well, I am here to tell you that the answer comes in three parts: attachments and expectations, fear of change and gremlin talk. Changing your behavior around these three nemeses will open up the whole world of opportunities the Law of Attraction promises.
Attachments and Expectations
All too often we approach sticky situations with a substantial amount of “attachment”, also known as expectations. For instance, we might expect our co-workers to behave in a certain way. We assist them on a project or say some kind words, hoping for some kindness or cooperation, when the next interaction surprisingly brings judgment and criticism. Or, you may have worked hard on a business deal and are ready to close it, when suddenly the deal falls through and you are left upset and discouraged. In both instances, we end up feeling disappointed, perhaps even defeated. What happened? Consider: Perhaps you were too attached to a particular outcome?
When we have too much attachment to the results we want, we limit the Law of Attraction because we allow the universe only one way to fulfill our request. We deprive ourselves of the universe’s flexibility to fulfill our request in some other fashion, perhaps in some way that will allow for an even better outcome than we expected. It’s like going to a flower shop to buy a bouquet of flowers. Perhaps you are attached to one kind of flower and instruct the sales person to put together a bouquet of red roses that turns out looking just so-so when you could have told him or her to put together a beautiful bouquet that would have been lovelier than you could ever have envisioned. By limiting the sales person, you limited yourself to one outcome. Perhaps the bouquet of red roses WAS beautiful. But if you open yourself to more options, you allow for the chance of receiving something much better.
Fear of Change
Most of us hold on to things because we would rather have what we have than have nothing. We are afraid to change because the process of change requires us to let go of what we have. It is like standing with your toes on the edge of the high dive. You are about to jump but have no idea what the landing will be like. For a moment, you will have to let go of what you know — safety and security — in order to experience the thrill of flying through the air before you dive into the water.
Not all moments of letting go are that dramatic, BUT this is an opportunity to review your old beliefs – to see if they are still working for you. Some of us have been around certain belief systems for a long time. We thought everybody had the same belief systems when we found out that only our family or our religion had bought stock in this particular one. Moving to Israel at age 20 and experiencing culture shock was my first big experience of seeing that my way of thinking and experiencing the world was simply a belief system, one of many, and not necessarily reality. Oh well, you know as well as I that we are powerful creators and that belief systems are changeable.
Face your fear and do it anyway. Be willing to be uncomfortable and see what happens on the other side of your discomfort. Feelings do lie to us on a regular basis – especially fear.
Gremlins – Head trash – Negative Self Talk
I don’t really care what you call this part of yourself that keeps you attached to the past; that keeps us afraid or small. I call it my Gremlin (thanks to Richard Carson for term) and I’ve named her Brunhilde. She is big and strong — a Valkyrie who brings the fallen warriors home. She thinks that she can keep me (Barbara) away from harm (dying on the battlefield) by keeping me small. She does not like to see me take risks (i.e.: dive from the high board) and she likes me to hold on to what I already have. It is she who keeps me attached and she pushes me away from change. She pretends to be fearless in her pursuit to keep me safe and sound. But after years of getting to know one another, I realized that it is Brunhilde who is afraid.
Of course Brunhilde is part of me and there were once sound reasons why I created her, but those reasons are part of the past. In recent years I have given her a new job. She is getting used to her new role, Director of Fun and Entertainment!
Well, if your gremlin is talking trash and reinforcing your negative beliefs about yourself, I suggest you have a good long talk with him or her. Remember: No Law of Attraction is strong enough to withstand the negativity that you generate yourself.
As a Leadership Coach, Personal Life Coach, and author of From Intuition to Entrepreneurship: a Woman’s Guide to Following Her Dream, Barbara has the insight to achieve quick and lasting success with a focus on bottom-line results. And, since success involves the entire person, Barbara has created Neuro Emotional Coaching®, a cutting edge 4-step process rooted in neuroscience that combines personal coaching with knowledge of the human brain and its impact on change and leadership.