Let's take a closer look at my family reunion and the process that led me to participate. When I visited Germany earlier this year I created the opportunity to stay with my Godfather and my aunt whom had not seen or talked to in 15 years. There was nothing bad between us we had simply fallen out of communication or perhaps commitment to being in touch with one another. I was a bit scared but I comforted myself with the thought that it made sense to stay there. After all it was convenient since they live only 10 minutes from the Frankfurt airport. My aunt and uncle greeted me with much love and care and it did not take long for me to feel comfortable. They were committed to my well being.

Much of our conversation was about the rest of the extended family that I had also lost contact with over the 25 years since I left Germany. I listed to their stories about their kids and grand kids as well as other aunts, uncles and even relatives that I had never met. What I observed was this, there seemed to be a correlation between commitment, comfort and closeness. The more comfortable they felt with someone, the closer the connection and the stronger the commitment to being in contact with one another. It seems natural that we are more committed to the people or the things in our lives that we feel affinity for; may it be love, comfort or something else. Commitment comes easy in those cases. But what about the people or the things that we have less or no affinity for? But does lack of affinity automatically warrant less or no commitment? How can commitment serve us when feeling affinity or comfort is not even close? Perhaps before we can answer this question we need to look at the definition of the word commitment.

Merriam-Webster describes the word commitment as a pledge to do something in the future or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled. In my case of being with my aunt and uncle it became pretty clear that all three of us had a common commitment to bringing the family together. We were ready (committed) to extend ourselves beyond what was comfortable and see what was on the other side of isolation, disconnection, old hurt and being right. What got created out of that commitment was the 1st all-female cousin reunion of the Tubbesings at my aunt and uncle's summer vacation house. WOW. Sixteen adults plus two babies got together for 2.5 days an impossible thought if you know my family.

But enough about my family, let's take a look at your ways of dealing with commitments. First of all, what does commitment mean to you? Is your understanding close to the one described in the dictionary or does it mean something else to you? Second, what sorts of things do you commit yourself to? Family, friends, work, co-workers, self, church, community, etc., and how do your prioritize your commitment? What does your commitment look like? What are you willing to give up in order to keep it?

Perhaps you have been working in the same job for a while. You are good at what you do and you even like it. You have also been passed up for promotion and you feel kind of stuck. Your sales are stagnant, the office culture is negative, you have a problem with one of your co-workers and you don't seem to be able to get yourself organized.What to do or a better question to ask yourself, what are you committed to?

Most people will answer this question initially with, "of course I want to improve myself". But when pushed to action, would want to rather stay within their comfort zone than change. It is sad but true that a lot of employees will feel more comfortable with blaming other people, the economy and the co-worker for their bad fortune than commit to taking responsibility for their part. If commitment is the one way to make a difference in one's own fortune, why do people have such a hard time with it?

For most of the population commitment is a scary thing. It means doing things that we are not comfortable with. A couple of years ago Oprah wrote in O Magazine: "Once you decide what you want, you make a commitment to that decision". I think she hit the nail on the head. The problem with commitment? We either don't know what we want and therefore we can't commit or we are not sure if what we want is really what we want and therefore we won't commit. Because we void new commitment so much we stay committed to the old ways that do not work that give us exactly those things that we are not looking for. Surprise, surprise. We are always committed to something but it might just be the thing that we don't want just because we are committed to staying comfortable.

What are you committed to?

Once you decide what you want, you make a commitment to that decision.

Oprah

Take a look at your daily commitments for seven days in a row. Each morning ask yourself there two questions. What am I committed to and what am I not committed to? At the end of the day evaluate your commitments and see how they supported you in accomplishing your goals.

To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old questions from a new angle, requires creative imagination and marks real advances in science.

Albert Einstein