This holiday business struck a chord with me as many of my clients were anticipating the holiday season with some trepidation. For some, the trepidation had to do with the self-induced stress while for other it was the fear of being disappointed again. The holidays are here. Let’s take a closer look at what might be going on.

Okay, each year you tell yourself a little white lie that somehow this holiday season is going to be different. You think about it, dream about, even talk about it, but as the holidays pass you by you realize that once again you did nothing differently.

Oh yes, you loved seeing everybody. You had a great time and you are happy the holidays are over. If this sounds like what you typically experience read on.

What is our problem? Why do human beings insist on making the same mistake over and over? Why are we determined to be stressed out when we are supposed to relax? I have been trying to make sense of this for years and here is what I have concluded so far. I believe we lie to ourselves. Yes, it is that simple. We tell ourselves it is not going to be that bad and we can do three days of work in an afternoon. We tell ourselves stories of how nice everything is going to be and how we need to have things in a particular fashion because if we don’t we pretend we will be labeled as “bad”. It’s as if we believe a judge goes about evaluating peoples’ performances during the holidays. We fantasize about people sitting around the living room getting along when we know our family members are hard-pressed to get along. We forget to tell the truth. And, even if we do admit to the little problems our families have, we are not willing to do anything differently. Like magic, things are supposed to work out when we know they can’t if we continue on course.

This year, you have an opportunity to change things if you take time to figure out what you really want. Ask yourself three questions: “What do I really want?” “How could I get it?” and “What experience am I seeking?” If you answer these questions you’ll find in a few minutes it will not be hard to determine your priorities.

Perhaps you want peace of mind and the way you can get it is by going out to dinner or having it catered. Maybe you want to be with your family and instead of cramming everyone in your house you rent a cabin instead. Whatever your wishes are, it is your responsibility to make them heard. If you are part of the family, you may want to sit around the table to discuss the questions with all members. If you get everyone involved it will make for a more balanced and stress-free holiday season. As a family you can figure out who is going to do what. The rest depends on good planning.

P.S. If you are in charge of making dinner and no one helps you, don’t expect that to change. Either make it easier on yourself or ask people for help. Be ready to accept that their style of mashed potatoes may not include garlic!

“The habit of giving only enhances the desire to give.”

Walt Whitman

Take some time to discuss the holidays with your family. What are your expectations and what do you really want? Put it all on the table so there are no surprises and be willing to do something different this year.

"Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish."

Albert Einstein