The Law of Attraction is an idea that is widespread in New Age and New Thought philosophy. It posits to never dwell on the negative, as the metaphysical principle of life is embodied in a “law of attraction”:  you get what you think about, your thoughts determine your destiny.  Louise Hay, the Queen of Affirmations, believes that “our thinking creates our reality”.  Alchemy meets Jung here, in that if one’s consciousness is in tune with the “whole”, all of creation becomes a resource from which we can manifest whatever we want, and the fruits of our “magical thinking” will enter our personal lives in the form of synchronicity.

Although many books have been written on the subject by authors ranging from, Jerry and Esther Hicks, to Norman Vincent Peale, nothing has gotten people as excited about it as a film called “The Secret”, first broadcast over the internet in 2007.  “The Secret” describes the law of attraction as the most powerful law of the universe.   If you have never seen it, I highly recommend viewing this film.  From it, there has begun a real shift in awareness as people are realizing how much they are responsible for their own experiences and creations. So, if we humans have been creating negatively, surely we can create positively.  Not much about this topic is really new, but perhaps now more than ever, we are willing to listen.

What I have discovered in my coaching practice is that, when the Law of Attraction (LOA) meets business planning and emotional alignment, the sky is the limit..  Over the past five years since using “The Secret“ to introduce my clients to the LOA, I have developed a successful recipe for successful manifestation.  In fact, this led to my trademarking my Neuro Emotional Coaching® approach and my vision of training others to do it.

The LOA is fun to learn and use because it allows you to create, promote and allow everything and anything in your life.  You can deliberately use this law to create your future!   Most people who work with this law will tell you that the LOA is working in your life right now, whether you are aware of it or not. You are attracting people, situations, jobs and much more into your life. Once you are aware of this law and how it works, you can start to use it to deliberately attract what you want into your life.

Here is how it works:

1. Get very clear on what you want.  Perhaps this is easier said than done; we are usually more aware of all the things we do not want.  As soon as we start to think about what we actually want, we start to compromise, bargain and consider all the obstacles.  Become ruthless with yourself and think about the positive.

2. Visualize the outcome of your want. See yourself having achieved your want.  Act as if and steer every fiber in your body toward it.  Creating a collage or picture of your goal that you actually look at is a powerful tool here.

3. Allow It. What does that mean?  Well, we often sabotage ourselves when we want something.  Cooperating with the universe as it brings in what we want is key.  We are late for an important appointment or we go to bed late and are tired for something special.  Allowing something positive to happened means being open for new and better things taking place.  Be willing to receive while we let go of the old restricted ways of being.  Allowing things to happen is like shedding an old skin that no longer works for us.  Letting go of old beliefs and painful pasts can be part of it. Sometimes it is a simple as accepting a compliment.

4. Take inspired action. Nothing happens in a vacuum.  If you want a new car and you want the universe to bring it to you, you will need to go out and look for it.  The universe is not going to drive it up to your curb (unless, of course, it does).  You need to go to the car lot and ask to test drive the one you want.  Taking action is letting the universe know that you are serious about your want.

5. Make sure your wants are 50% believable. Wants that are 50% or more believable have a better chance of happening than things that are totally unrealistic.  If this means you start a special savings account for your new house or car so that you are actively participating in creating what you want, then do it.  If you want a Lamborghini but have never renewed your drivers’ license since moving into the city, this might not be the most believable goal at this time.

6. Have high involvement but low or no attachment to the outcome. This is difficult for people to understand but important to get if you want to work this law successfully.  Let’s say you want to buy a house and you know what it is supposed to look like.  You are allowing it to happen, you are taking inspired action, and you are doing all the steps to work the LOA.  While you are working all the steps you are totally bent on getting this specific house.  You are so attached that nothing else that might be even better can come in.  This not good for the universal laws because sometimes things do not happen for a reason.  We want to be flexible and open and let the universe decided what’s best for us.  Do the footwork and then let go.  Perhaps that house comes with a messy neighbor  who will drive you crazy.  Sometimes we want things that have a whole lot of things attached to them that we did not want.  This gets me to the last point.

7. Ask things to be for your highest good and the highest good of all concerned. Only when you ask in that fashion can you be sure that God is watching out for you.

A major factor behind this Universal Law is the energy and vibrations of our thoughts and feelings. Any thought you may have, when combined with emotion, vibrates out from you to the universe and will attract back what you want, be it positive or negative.  You do not need to know exactly how things will happen.  Some of the details can be left to the universe.  Let the universe figure out the method of delivery, when you will receive it, etc.  What you have to do is allow it to happen while you are actively pursuing it.

In summary, the LOA simply says that you attract into your life whatever you think about.  Your dominant thoughts will find a way to manifest, positive or negative.  What about all the negativity in the world?  I believe that these problems aren’t caused by the LOA itself but rather by the LOA as applied to objective reality.  But come back next month when we will continue this topic.

Over a decade ago, and in fact it was at the beginning of my coaching training with the Coaches Training Institute, I was exposed to a term and concept called Gremlin. (Psychologist, Richard Carson developed the term and concept. More information can be found in his book, “Taming Your Gremlin.”) I have been using it with myself and my clients for years and thought it would be helpful to share it with you.

In coaching, we use the word Gremlin to describe the negative self-talk a person indulges in from time to time. It embodies a group of thoughts and feelings that attempt to maintain the status quo in our lives. Often operating as a structure that would seem to protect us, it keeps us from having breakthroughs and getting what we want in life. In addition to holding us back, it judges us harshly for every mistake we make. It is that voice that tells us we are not good enough, that we couldn’t possibly succeed or take an overdue break. It is the little drill sergeant disguised as protection that commands us to keep it down and play it small. For some of you, your Gremlin may visit you once a week while for others, the visits occur hourly. Whether you are a frequent or occasional, negative self-talk does not result in positive outcomes. It will leave you feeling flat, stepped on, drained and small. The Gremlin is part of everyone’s makeup.

Using the Gremlin concept, we have a wonderful method of illustrating our negative self-talk, fears and judgments. We can use it creatively to recognize behaviors and effectively change thought processes when we are putting ourselves down or holding back from managing effectively or being a better leader. Let’s take a look, shall we?

How often do you stop yourself from doing something because you “simply can’t” or are “too afraid”? However, if your friend were in your place you would cheer them on telling them they had nothing to lose. Yes, my friend, your Gremlin can have a big mouth and be quite convincing if you let it. The good news is you have the power to change its behavior.

In a recent coaching session, a client of mine was aware of being filled with judgment and anger regarding a “failed” relationship with a direct – report. She was beating herself up for the “red flags” she had ignored. Her Gremlin was in full force and telling her “she should have done a better job interviewing and that it was impossible to find the right person for this particular position.” When I pointed out to her that she was giving her Gremlin too much airtime she realized what she had been doing to herself.

This simple awareness allowed her to shift her perspective. We worked on identifying ways she could be more kind and gentle to herself, especially in times of disappointment and frustration as it would open her up to be more precise in her decision –making process. Of course, it is always good to make time for evaluation. But there is a fine line between evaluating and judging and that line is the difference between helping and hindering.

So what can you do? In his book, Richard Carson presents several ways to tame your Gremlin and while I agree with some of them, I have developed four ways to deal with Gremlins. They are: 1) become aware of the Gremlin’s presence, 2) get to know your Gremlin, 3) disengage with love, compassion and forgiveness, and 4) assign your Gremlin a new job.

The first one is about noticing. Gremlins hate nothing more than to be seen for the hot air they are full of plus the negative influence and undermining messages they carry. Just being aware of them will make them uncomfortable. Gremlins live in the shadows of our minds and hearts. They like to be anonymous and not discovered because as soon as you pay attention to your own self-talk you can make choices.

The second step is to get to know them well. Find out how they operate, what their purpose is and when they tend to show up. By getting to know you Gremlin and its routine, you can be better prepared to deal with them and deflate them. You can outsmart them because you are one step ahead. You know better when to expect them and won’t be caught off guard.

One of my personal favorites is step number three, to disengage them with love, compassion and forgiveness. When I see the Gremlin on the horizon I find out what is really going on with me. Usually it is some kind of mistake I made or some form of disappointment I am experiencing that I may or may not have created. Instead of telling myself what a rotten person I am, I look for forgiveness of my mistakes and particularly the judgments I place on myself. By the way, judgments create fertile ground for the Gremlin.

Finally, Gremlins don’t like change. They will try to keep things the same old way because it might not be great, but at least they are comfortable and in control. Their job is to be the gatekeeper. Keep the old ways “in” and the new ways “out.” What should you do? Give your Gremlin a new job assignment. Find out exactly what they are doing and get their consent to focus on something new.

For example, one of my client’s goals was to create a new business for himself. His previous attempt to become an entrepreneur faltered and on top of the difficult experience he had a very critical and cautious Gremlin. The many times he planned to take risks he found his efforts were accompanied by the Gremlin trying to talk him out of it. After identifying his Gremlin’s intentions (protecting him from potential pain due to failure) he was able to assign it a new job. After some dialogue, he and the Gremlin decided it was going to be better for both of them if his Gremlin instead supplied him with additional energy to succeed in the challenge he set out for himself. Going forward, his Gremlin was going to take the role of being his cheerleader!

Where Mr. Carson is of the opinion that the Gremlin is only out to harm you, I disagree and say that he/she/it actually has the best of intentions. The Gremlin’s job has been to protect you and it might not know something else would be more helpful. So, your job is to enlighten the Gremlin as to a new direction it can go in order to take the best care of you and give it new ways to assist you.

“The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

How many of you have already given up on your New Year’s Resolution? How many of you are still waiting for the right moment to start the exercise and diet routine or going to bed earlier? Well, January has passed and we are well into the first quarter of 2012. As a business owner or senior level manager you are probably well into executing your strategic plan but, as a private person, have you thought about setting personal goals or goals for your family?

For most professionals goal-setting is a no-brainer. Business owners will engage in annual goal-setting sessions and larger companies will engage in strategic planning. Most of us regular folk use some kind of strategic plans in the professional arena, while we do not believe in the same approach in our personal life. But if the process is so successful in a professional arena, why not apply it to our personal lives? Why not set a goal of having more “joy” or “clarity” in life?

This year I encourage you to go full out and design both your personal and professional life plans with you at the center, being the lead architect. Here is a simple 4-step method to assist you in creating meaningful goals for both your personal and professional lives.

Step 1: Creating Personal Values:
In order to create meaningful goals we need to work from the inside out. I believe only those goals that are rooted and aligned with our values are truly meaningful. If you have never thought much about your values, there is no time like the present. Consider the following questions: What’s important to you? What makes you tick? What brings you joy? A word of advice: don’t make it hard. It is not difficult. We all know what is important to us. Choose 3-5 values and move on. You can always refine later.

Step 2: Selecting Goal Areas
The next step is to look at different areas of your life such as: health & wellness, finance, relationships, home or living environment, spiritual growth, volunteer work, fun and recreation. Take a moment to reflect on each category and write down some goals for 2012. For example in the “physical environment” category, I might get the house painted, lay tiles in the kitchen and remodel the bathroom. In the “family” category, I might want to improve communication with my spouse, go on a family vacation and deepen my relationship with my mother. After you have your list, take a look to make sure you haven’t set so may goals that you feel overwhelmed already.

And if you need some help, below is a list from productivity guru, David Allen. Here is what he would have you look at creating in 2012.

• What would you like to be your biggest triumph in 2012?
• What advice would you like to give yourself in 2012?
• What would you be most happy about completing in 2012?
• What would you most like to change about yourself in 2012?
• What are you looking forward to learning in 2012?
• What do you think your biggest risk will be in 2012?
• What about your work are you most committed to changing in 2012?
• What is one as yet-undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2012?
• What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do or have that in 2012?
• What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2012?

Step 3: Aligning Values with Goals
The next step is easy. Take a look at the goals you jotted down and make sure they are in line with your values. If they are not, reconsider their priority for your life. If they are, decide which ones are most important and which ones will need a deadline to make sure they get accomplished. Be sure the goals do not conflict with one another. For example, traveling to Europe for six months out of the year conflicts with participating in a year-long weekly prayer group at home.

Step 4: Breaking Your Goals Down and Taking Action
Once you have all your goals mapped out, it is time to break them down into tiny, little action steps. Take each goal, one at a time, and decide what has to get done first and by when. For another example, let’s go back to my kitchen, all right? I want new tile on the floor. First, I need to decide if I want to do the work myself or have someone else do it. I decide I will get some help, but buy the materials myself. Next is measuring the room and picking out tile. Then I will need to find someone who can lay tile, etc. And I would like to have it completed before May, when I will be hosting house guests. None of this is really difficult, but most of us soon find reasons to stop shortly after we’ve begun, leaving us doing what most of us do oh so very well……nothing.

What’s left? After breaking down your goals into tiny little steps with a timeline, all that’s left is fulfillment. If the steps are reasonable and you pace yourself well, you will have no trouble accomplishing every goal on your list. Go ahead and begin, and let nothing stop you from having a fabulous 2012.

It is 2012 and, like some of you, each January I take a look at what I want to accomplish in the coming year. What is going to be special about 2012? I am not a big believer in New Year’s Resolutions, so to make this an effective process I look at four things: 1) incompletions, 2) tolerations, 3) accomplishments and 4) goals. Today, we are going to take a look at tolerations and incompletions. Next time I will write about accomplishments and goals.

Let’s start with incompletions; things that are unfinished. Incompletions are part of the human experience and the end of the year is a wonderful time to identify them and decide what to do about them. We all have some and they can occur in many different areas and levels of consciousness but we usually look for them only on the physical level. (For example, my office is a mess or I am not ready to file my 2011 tax return.) But what do I mean by “any level of consciousness?” Well, we human beings exist on physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels. There are additional levels such as the subconscious and unconscious but for now we are going to deal with the ones we can change. Okay, I am getting side-tracked. Let me give you an example about an incompletion on the emotional level.

I recently noticed that I had an incompletion with my parents. There was a little tiny part of me that was still holding them responsible for times as an adult when my life was going poorly. As soon as I recognized it I realized that I did not want that and that it could make a difference if I communicated my insight to my parents. So I did and, to make a long story short, I had wonderful conversations with each of them that have altered my relationship with them inside of me and enabled us to have clearer communication with each other. Conversations since then have been richer and I am excited to have more authentic relationships with my mother and father.

Now, I know this sounds easy and you might call me crazy, but my personal experience is that the potential of a conversation like that outweighs any risk or fear I might have. I think you get the picture. Incompletions can be found on any level of consciousness or area, so take a moment to identify one and do something about it today.

In working through this area, I discovered that my relationship with my parents was not only an incompletion but also a toleration. A “toleration” is a term created by the late Thomas Leonard, the founder of Coach U. It is something or someone who we accept even though it is not what we really want. For years, I tolerated the quality of relationship with my parents. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t nearly as good as it is going to get. I also tolerated how poorly my internet was working and that I didn’t have proper heat or cooling on the third floor of my house. These are also areas that I noticed and addressed in the past few months.

You see, tolerations exist on different levels of consciousness and they can be small or big in scope. They can last for years until we do something about them. For example, we tolerate the way we are treated or the way we treat ourselves. We wear shoes that we don’t like, we say “yes” when we want to say “no”; the list goes on and on. So, as you ponder your incompletions and tolerations here are a few questions for you to consider:

• What do I put up with that I don’t want to any more?
• What is incomplete in my life?
• What am I willing to do about the answers to my questions?

I am here as your cheerleader for making a breakthrough in 2012. Why not take a chance and risk looking at ways you tolerate your own incompletions?

“If you don’t spread your wings and risk to fly you will not be able to soar.”
Author Unknown

Imagine you are a little fledging. You live in a nest that is warm, comfortable, and tucked away from harm. You are being fed by your parents. You get to play with your siblings, and life, as you know it, is good. However, as time goes by, and you grow, the nest is getting crowded. One at a time you see your brothers and sisters taking off and learning how to fly. You watch them get up and hop to the edge of the nest, take a deep breath, and then dive into nothingness. And, magically their wings open and they, although, they have never done it before, are able to fly. Each time it happens you are amazed at their bravery and wonder what might happen when your turn comes to leave the nest.

Days, perhaps even weeks, go by, and each day you and your parents are still sitting in the nest. You are so afraid, actually petrified, and you can’t imagine that your wings will ever open. The thought of flying seems impossible. Death seems inevitable. Eventually the day comes when your parents are telling you that they are going to abandon you if you don’t get your courage up to leave the nest. Well, you step up to the edge of the nest, get all your courage together … and before you have a chance to jump the wind gets stronger and blows you out of the nest. Magically your wings open and you, like every other bird before you, are feeling the wind beneath your wings. You are happily soaring and once again, life is good. At least for a while, until you faced the next challenge.

How many of you remember a recent experience like that? You were afraid of doing something that had to be done and rather than doing it right away you stalled, tried to talk yourself out of it, or even froze up. Yeah, I am talking about laying someone off, telling a friend that you were upset, admitting that the sales strategy failed, or breaking up with your boyfriend. It is common knowledge that human beings have a tendency to avoid unpleasant situations. But did you know that human beings have an even stronger tendency to fantasize negatively about taking risks? Much like the little bird in my story we tell ourselves that it is too dangerous, that we will get hurt, that we simply can’t, or that it is better to live with the things that don’t work than to be happy. Here are a few facts:

• Many marriages end up in nasty divorces because by the time they happen one or both parties have build up so much animosity.

• Most managers who are dissatisfied with their subordinates wait to have conversations with their employees until reconciliation is too late.

• People would rather suffer great physical, emotional, and mental consequences than speak the truth about their feelings.

At the worldwide headquarter of Clear Intentions International we recommend a different strategy. We call it “sharp” blade” strategy. Here is how it goes. If you have to have a painful conversation with someone rather than using a razor blade to slowly saw at what is bothering you (negatively fantasize and live in misery) why not use a sharp blade and make one single clean cut (create a positive vision and communicate authentic and clear)? In other words, if you already know that something had to be done, why wait and add days, weeks, or years of agony before you talk. Go ahead and do it, right away. Razor blade cuts are very painful and they have a tendency to take longer to heal. Clean cuts heal easily and are less painful and a sharp cut can be a win-win. For example, deal with a problem with an employee right away and it is resolved, that helps the business and helps the employee know his/her expectations. It’s good management and positions the company and the employee you invested in training, to be successful in his/her position. Or from the business perspective, if it can’t be salvaged, you have to let the employee go. You protect your business, reputation, and clients. End a relationship and it opens you up for a new one that gives you the things you want. Whatever is it, if you have to do it, get it done right away. You will save energy, aggravation and time.

Global Executive Coach and President of Clear Intentions International, Barbara Schwarck uses Neuro Emotional Coaching ™ to engage her clients in a 4-step process to experience much greater performance, profound change and deep personal satisfaction. She is the author of From Intuition to Entrepreneurship: A Women’s Guide to Following Her Dream. If you are a professional, executive or global leader who wants to make a difference but feel that something is holding you back, go to www.clearintentions.net.

“Empty your cup so that it may be filled; become devoid to gain totality.”
~ Bruce Lee

I recently attended a seminar on leadership in a multicultural context. There was a martial arts specialist there who told a story Bruce Lee would often tell to drive home the idea of combating adversity, being open-minded, getting to know ourselves and the world around us, and where we fit in.

A professor comes to learn from a wise Zen master, but it quickly becomes obvious to the Zen master that this professor is more interested in showing off his own knowledge then in learning. He interrupts the Zen master. He follows each story the Zen master tells with a story of his own instead of really listening (You know the type, the person who has to top your story about loss or success, or a failed attempt at something with one of their own instead of hearing you out and empathizing.). So the Zen master begins to pour a cup of tea. He fills the cup and keeps pouring, so that the cup is overflowing.

The professor stops him, saying the cup is overflowing, no more will fit in. The Zen master says to the professor, before you can really learn something you have to empty your cup.

The need for an empty cup, an open mind, is the basis for everything. Yet, in so many of our lives when we try to learn something new, we try to put things on top of things, never removing the true barriers or leaving behind the behaviors that don’t work for us. A common example of how we put things on top of things is bringing our past into the present moment and for that matter the future. We base our listening or actions on the past, holding people as well as ourselves to a behavior or way of being that might no longer be present. You might say to yourself things like: “I will never be able to write without making mistakes” or you might think that your boss will always treat you unfairly just because s/he has done so in the past.

I understand that we sometimes use the past to predict the future or make decisions in the present, but be careful not to use it as a way to limit yourself or corner people. I believe it’s really about emptying the cup, wiping the blackboard clean, and starting over if you want to change course and find your true meaning.

Peter Drucker, the writer and management consultant, has a similar philosophy. He said improve your strengths and neutralize your weaknesses. In other words, it’s not about fixing the status quo. Some things can’t be fixed: a bad marriage, a bully boss, trying to work analytically when you are really a creative spirit. But we get fixated sometimes on the wrong things, when we really should be looking at what we’re good at, what our strengths are, what we enjoy.

So how do you neutralize your weaknesses? How do you empty your cup and your life of the things that do not serve you, so that you can be open to the things that do.

At Clear Intentions’ we start with taking a look at who you are. It is the first step of your 4-step model to creating breakthroughs and bringing out the very best version of you. Sometimes you need to empty the cup and start fresh, not worry about what came before. Ok, you didn’t get started on this three years ago, that’s ok; you are here and ready to look at yourself now. Look at what you are good at and what you are not good at. I’m a good writer. I’m not good at math, for example. I’m introverted, not outgoing. Then seek or pursue the things that are true to who you are.

Next, look at how you can build upon your strengths, rather than try to build up your weaknesses. If more employers shaped the duties their employees have to their strengths instead of focusing on their weaknesses in employee performance reviews, employees and employers alike would be happier and productivity would skyrocket.

Last, don’t completely forget about your weaknesses. Instead, think about what you can do to neutralize them. Accept them and come into alignment with them. But don’t put all your energy into fighting them. The best way to come into alignment with them is to take a moment to accept your weaknesses. Nobody is good at everything. If you have a strong judgment about yourself, take some time to do what I call “forgiveness process.”

We all have weaknesses, all of us, even if we don’t want to admit it. That’s not a failure, that’s being human.

Accept those weaknesses; give yourself permission to have them. Then empty your cup of them. In other words stop pursuing the things that force them front and center, like the bad relationship, gaining acceptance from the bully boss instead of finding a better fit where you are or somewhere else, or trying to be someone you are not.

Be ok with yourself, empty your cup, and then fill your cup with what fulfills you. When you embrace who you are and what feels true to you, then you are ready to learn.

Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn’t listening.
–Emma Thompson

I have been doing a lot of mediation coaching in Pittsburgh and elsewhere helping management and staff work together better. It is not all that different from executive coaching because, after all, I am still talking to real people with real problems. When I am doing this work, I am often left with a feeling for how stringent we are in our beliefs, and how difficult it is for us to be free of judgments and to get our feelings heard. I’ve seen many times how placing judgment on the other members of the team slows productivity at work, and threatens relationships between partners and friends.

The biggest culprit I find in these situations is poor communication. We all probably fancy ourselves excellent communicators and can’t understand why someone else doesn’t follow our simple directions, train of thought, or idea. We walk away from conversations with our loved ones, coworkers, or friends with bruised feelings because we feel we have not been heard. In a recent survey with a global company I found that most of the 150 people who took part in a cross-cultural training thought that their communication was perfect but their co-workers were flawed and poor. When we point the finger, we are left feeling dis-empowered and hopeless. Issues are not resolved and work doesn’t get done efficiently.

Let me give you an example:
In my recent mediation coaching session I had the pleasure of working with an introvert and an extrovert. The introvert was complaining of too much talk and activity, and the extrovert had her feelings hurt because she did not feel received. The new office mate did not talk enough with her. After both parties got to air out their difference, and created a way to communicate their needs, they were able to create a positive work relationship where one was able to request quiet when it was needed and the other was able to be more talkative when requested.

I know this seem like a very silly example, but it is often those silly things that fester and create bad relationships at work. Add the gossip and victim hood on top of it and it is to no one’s surprise that 70 percent of people are dissatisfied at work.

Communication is about being received, being seen, and being gotten. It’s hard to have that between two people if you’re coming from two different places, especially judgment. If you are wondering why this matters think about this: happiness could be the underlying factor for success, and there is science to back that up. Thomas Wright, Jon Wefald Leadership Chair in Business Administration and professor of management at K-State, found employee well-being is tied to higher performance. And employee performance is, after all, tied to a company’s bottom line. Happy workers make better decisions and have better interpersonal behavior.

This makes happiness a valuable tool for maximizing organizational outcomes. Economists too have found a link between happiness and productivity. In recent research, Andrew Oswald, a professor of economics at Warwick Business School, found happier workers were 12 percent more productive. Unhappier workers were 10 percent less productive. Yes, this is nothing new but something to remember. Heard employees are happy and engaged employees that are more likely to take the company to double-digit growth.

In order to hear and be heard, we have to be open to the conversation. But so many of us go into a meeting or a disagreement with our partner with preconceived ideas or thoughts about the person that make it difficult for us to listen and communicate. We have filters on, filters from the past, filters for how it is, and filters for what we want. What if you went in to a meeting or a disagreement with your partner and decided instead to be generous and listen to them with new ears. Forget about the past and really receive what they are saying or participate in a dialogue instead of a lecture? What if you tried meeting your colleague or partner in a place where they are comfortable?

I know two coworkers who have very different styles of communication. One wants to document everything in email and isn’t much for talking things through. The other likes to talk out ideas face-to-face. What if the email worker spent a little time talking to her colleague, fleshed out some ideas, and then they both documented the results of their meeting in an email. Well that’s a win-win. The colleague who likes to talk can feel she has been heard and it may help the email colleague find that the conversation sparked a new way of looking at things for her. And still, the email colleague will have her documentation and be able to see that real results came out of the conversation.

Once we’re open to a conversation and receiving the person on the other end of the conversation, new ideas can be born and better relationships can be built, whether it is at work or at home. And what’s more science seems to be proving that by doing this, we are likely to build a better app, find a more cost effective solution, and retain employees.

Rarely do global leaders or public servants get asked “are you taking care of yourself?” With shareholder concerns, new product launches, arbitrations taking place, and lobbying in the works, maybe this question seems askew. When you have to be ‘on’ 24/7, this thought of taking care of yourself may seem over the top, perhaps even selfish, or something you will get to when you get time. It may even sound cliché.

Well, if taking care of yourself is deemed as selfish, I am one who fully does not subscribe to that mentality one bit. Not only don’t I subscribe to it, I will assert that it is counterproductive and unhealthy. Let’s take a closer look.

What good does it do when you have stress for 25 days of the month and then relax for 2 or 3 days? You may think that is the best you can do with all of your obligations, wants and needs. “Two days is better that nothing,” you may say. Certainly, two days are better than none at all but why not have a more balanced approach? Imagine what would be possible if you would take care of yourself on a day-to-day basis. Instead of craving a day of r& r, you could feel relaxed most of the time. Instead of needing to stay late at the office to clean up or complete projects, your time management skills would have allowed you to take care of yourself as well as getting the project done. In order to be an effective leader on any level, we need to manage our energy effectively. We are more creative when we are well rested, we are more effective in a crisis situation when are emotions are balanced, and we are able to deal with change when we know who we are not who we are not.

You are all up to big things and you impact many. You want your team, your company, your employees, and all your constituents to all take care of themselves. Happier and more relaxed people are more productive and better at taking and implementing direction and communication. It’s the same for you, no exceptions on this one.

Give yourself the opportunity to relax every day. When we are more balanced, small activities of self-care go a long way. That way there is no need for long transition times when going on vacation. Many of us Type A personalities use up 50% of the vacation time shifting gears. Some of you never let go entirely.

Okay, you’ve got the point and are game. So, what would it look like? Believe it or not, much of taking care of yourself has to do with time management and commitments. A good way to start is to make appointments with yourself. Take out your hand held and lock in some time to take care for yourself. Here are some examples you can do before or after work. Some, do while at your office. Set the time and make it a daily ritual to take a minimum of 15 minutes.

• Create 15 minutes of quiet time or meditation
• Drink a cup of herbal or decaf tea after work
• Go for a walk at lunch hour
• Buy flowers for yourself
• Watch a movie
• Turn all electronic devices off for 30 minutes
• Take a bubble bath
• Get together with a friends (not work related)
• Read a few pages
• Cook a fresh, healthy meal
• Take your partner out for a meal, sans children

The ideas are endless. All you need to do is begin.

Global Executive Coach and President of Clear Intentions International, Barbara Schwarck uses Neuro Emotional Coaching™ to engage her clients in the process of working with their own consciousness to experience greater performance, profound change and deep personal satisfaction. She is the author of From Intuition to Entrepreneurship: A Women’s Guide to Following Her Dream. If you are an executive or thought leader who wants to make a difference, go to www.clearintentions.net.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
~ Winston Churchill

Once a month I am honored to facilitate a master’s in spiritual science course. The purpose of the two-year class is to encourage students to apply teachings of practical spirituality and gain greater clarity of the presence of Spirit in their everyday lives. During the last class I had to lecture on negativity, more specifically, I had to identify body parts that judged. As I was going through the exercise, I watched myself generating negativity on purpose. It was powerful. I started to feel dizzy, my spelling became atrocious and inside I felt little and small. I wanted to stop and sit down.

Yes, we know that negativity will do that to us. When it creeps into our consciousness, it will stop us from following through with a project, telling a loved one how we feel, or taking a promotion or a new job. We all have these feelings, and that’s ok. The important part is how we process them and make sure they don’t keep us from moving forward.

Most of us generate a substantial amount of negativity every day. Often the negativity that holds us back is subtle. We tell stories about an experience we had or a situation we were in over and over again that reinforces our negative feelings, and we might not even know it. While most of it is unconscious, a good amount of it is conscious. So today I want to talk about negativity, the negativity we generate ourselves, how we notice it, process it, and turn it around in order to move forward.

I recently delivered a workshop to a group of CEOs on the topic of communication and listening. After practicing different ways to listen, one of the CEOs started to talk about his mother and his inability to listen to her complain about the neighbors. He felt hostage to her stories and had started to spend less and less time with her. Things had gotten so bad that he was generating negativity around his mother even when he had not talked to her. He was somewhat aware of the situation but was clueless that he essentially was repeating his mother’s behavior. His negativity was impacting his marriage and his self-esteem. He felt stuck and life was miserable.

Once he became aware of his negative response to his mom’s negativity, he was able to control the situation. With a little bit of Neuro Emotional Coaching® he was able to neutralize his reaction to his mother and approach her with more generosity and love. She in return did not feel the need to be so negative in their conversations.

When we tell these negative stories over and over, we generate the negativity we felt then and never get to the positive part. In telling these stories to friends, colleagues, or at parties, we never move forward. We just tell the story, not consciously knowing the impact, and maybe not even being attuned to the fact that after we tell the story, we feel a heavy weight.

I’ll give you an example from my own life. I’m very dyslexic. And often I find myself saying, even joking, “it’s hard to believe someone can get their doctorate and write a book and have dyslexia, right.” Instead of celebrating all of my accomplishments, I’m regenerating the negativity around my dyslexia. What am I left with, my dyslexia and not my accomplishments. Here’s an even more subtle way we draw up negativity. When talking to children, how often do you give negative direction: “Don’t spill that.” “No you can’t watch another video.” We even talk to adults like that: “Don’t miss the deadline” or “Don’t disappointment me.” Our language is sloppy, we are not present and our lips move without accountability.

So how do you break this cycle? You can control and watch your language. Be aware of your feelings and how much negativity you generate for yourself when you retell a story about a life experience or gossip at work. Be aware of how what you are saying impacts others and yourself. If you are feeling negative about something, take some time to figure out what it is all about. Why are you triggered? Who triggered you?

And what if you changed your language and instead of saying, “don’t spill that,” said “let’s put your cup on the table.” Or, instead of saying, “No, you can’t watch another video,” said, “How about we play a game.”

Whether the story you tell is: “I don’t like my job, but I need the paycheck,” or “The economy is bad, but I can’t do anything about it, or “the client said he wants elephants in his brochure, so why should I knock myself out preparing other samples,” what you are doing is making yourself powerless. What DO you want to do, be powerless or take the situation back?! Rephrase and re-frame. How would it feel to say: “I’m making a paycheck and I am going to do a, b, and c, so that when the economy picks up, I’m ready.” “I’m going to look for a new job.” “I’m going to prepare the brochure the client asked for, but take a chance and prepare another version with some other ideas.” Yes, we all feel negativity every single day. What you do with it makes the difference between feeling powerful or powerless.

Worrying can lead to stress. What do we accomplish when we worry? Focus your mind on actions rather than on worrying! Action brings less stress. ~Catherine Pulsifer

I just passed the US Citizenship Exam!

In my preparation, I asked people some of the questions on the test and found out most people didn’t know the answers.

Here’s a question, try it out. And no cheating and looking it up. How many amendments are there to the constitution? The answer will be at the end of this post.

This was a very stressful time for me. I had a lot riding on this test. We all have faced a similar situation, where we have a lot riding on something: a big presentation, meeting our significant others family and friends.

How did I get through it? How do you get through it? Well, the bottom line is you have to know what you really want. I wanted to pass the test and become a US citizen. So how did I approach the test to make it more manageable and less stress inducing so that I could move forward, and ultimately pass. Here are three easy tips:

A. You have to be prepared and have a plan of action. I had to make time to study. What did that mean and what would it look like for me? I listened to the 100 questions and answers to the “citizenship test” on a CD’s provided by the immigration that I downloaded to my iPod. This worked for me because I travel a lot. In order to really study, I couldn’t just listen to the CD from start to finish and memorize the answers. I’d always be going over the same questions in the same order. So I put the CD on shuffle, that way I wouldn’t be covering the same questions over and over again, or become accustomed to the order.

What would being prepared look like for you? If you are putting together a presentation for a client, maybe making another phone call to the client to be sure you know the clients wants and needs. Or, practicing your presentation in front of the mirror, or in front of a group of friends, to work out the kinks.

B. On the day of the test, presentation or meeting the future in-laws, you have to relax. When your brain is in a relaxed state you can better recall the answers or the information you need to convey. When you are relaxed, you present yourself in a better way. Being relaxed also allows you to be generous with yourself rather than judge yourself. You know the thoughts that creep in when you’re in a frenzied state of mind. Why didn’t I study more? What if I didn’t prepare enough for this client? What if they don’t like me? Too often our default position is what if I fail. Re-presence yourself with what you want then relax.

C. Reward yourself. You worked hard and passed the test, landed the client, your in-laws love you. Give yourself credit for a job well done. After I passed the US Citizenship exam I took myself out to dinner. And, when it is all over and I am a naturalized citizen, I will invite all my friends for a true American party; hot dogs, hamburgers, apple pie, corn, lemonade and country music. You name it we will have it.

Stress management, lets face it we can’t avoid stress entirely, is really about being flexible and adaptable when chaotic situations or people place excessive demands on us. When do we feel most stressed? When we’re not prepared, when we’re out of our comfort zone. By knowing what you want, being prepared, relaxing when you have done all you can do to meet the challenge, and rewarding yourself when you have meet it head on, you will be better equip to deal with stressful situations.

Now for the answer to the question from my exam. How many amendments are there to the Constitution? There are 27. Extra credit: The first 10 amendments are known as the Bill of Rights.