Let’s start with incompletions; things that are unfinished. Incompletions are part of the human experience and the end of the year is a wonderful time to identify them and decide what to do about them. We all have some and they can occur in many different areas and levels of consciousness but we usually look for them only on the physical level. (For example, my office is a mess or I am not ready to file my 2011 tax return.) But what do I mean by “any level of consciousness?” Well, we human beings exist on physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels. There are additional levels such as the subconscious and unconscious but for now we are going to deal with the ones we can change. Okay, I am getting side-tracked. Let me give you an example about an incompletion on the emotional level.

I recently noticed that I had an incompletion with my parents. There was a little tiny part of me that was still holding them responsible for times as an adult when my life was going poorly. As soon as I recognized it I realized that I did not want that and that it could make a difference if I communicated my insight to my parents. So I did and, to make a long story short, I had wonderful conversations with each of them that have altered my relationship with them inside of me and enabled us to have clearer communication with each other. Conversations since then have been richer and I am excited to have more authentic relationships with my mother and father.

Now, I know this sounds easy and you might call me crazy, but my personal experience is that the potential of a conversation like that outweighs any risk or fear I might have. I think you get the picture. Incompletions can be found on any level of consciousness or area, so take a moment to identify one and do something about it today.

In working through this area, I discovered that my relationship with my parents was not only an incompletion but also a toleration. A “toleration” is a term created by the late Thomas Leonard, the founder of Coach U. It is something or someone who we accept even though it is not what we really want. For years, I tolerated the quality of relationship with my parents. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t nearly as good as it is going to get. I also tolerated how poorly my internet was working and that I didn’t have proper heat or cooling on the third floor of my house. These are also areas that I noticed and addressed in the past few months.

You see, tolerations exist on different levels of consciousness and they can be small or big in scope. They can last for years until we do something about them. For example, we tolerate the way we are treated or the way we treat ourselves. We wear shoes that we don’t like, we say “yes” when we want to say “no”; the list goes on and on. So, as you ponder your incompletions and tolerations here are a few questions for you to consider:

• What do I put up with that I don’t want to any more?
• What is incomplete in my life?
• What am I willing to do about the answers to my questions?

I am here as your cheerleader for making a breakthrough in 2012. Why not take a chance and risk looking at ways you tolerate your own incompletions?

Imagine you are a little fledging. You live in a nest that is warm, comfortable, and tucked away from harm. You are being fed by your parents. You get to play with your siblings, and life, as you know it, is good. However, as time goes by, and you grow, the nest is getting crowded. One at a time you see your brothers and sisters taking off and learning how to fly. You watch them get up and hop to the edge of the nest, take a deep breath, and then dive into nothingness. And, magically their wings open and they, although, they have never done it before, are able to fly. Each time it happens you are amazed at their bravery and wonder what might happen when your turn comes to leave the nest.

Days, perhaps even weeks, go by, and each day you and your parents are still sitting in the nest. You are so afraid, actually petrified, and you can’t imagine that your wings will ever open. The thought of flying seems impossible. Death seems inevitable. Eventually the day comes when your parents are telling you that they are going to abandon you if you don’t get your courage up to leave the nest. Well, you step up to the edge of the nest, get all your courage together … and before you have a chance to jump the wind gets stronger and blows you out of the nest. Magically your wings open and you, like every other bird before you, are feeling the wind beneath your wings. You are happily soaring and once again, life is good. At least for a while, until you faced the next challenge.

How many of you remember a recent experience like that? You were afraid of doing something that had to be done and rather than doing it right away you stalled, tried to talk yourself out of it, or even froze up. Yeah, I am talking about laying someone off, telling a friend that you were upset, admitting that the sales strategy failed, or breaking up with your boyfriend. It is common knowledge that human beings have a tendency to avoid unpleasant situations. But did you know that human beings have an even stronger tendency to fantasize negatively about taking risks? Much like the little bird in my story we tell ourselves that it is too dangerous, that we will get hurt, that we simply can’t, or that it is better to live with the things that don’t work than to be happy. Here are a few facts:

• Many marriages end up in nasty divorces because by the time they happen one or both parties have build up so much animosity.

• Most managers who are dissatisfied with their subordinates wait to have conversations with their employees until reconciliation is too late.

• People would rather suffer great physical, emotional, and mental consequences than speak the truth about their feelings.

At the worldwide headquarter of Clear Intentions International we recommend a different strategy. We call it “sharp” blade” strategy. Here is how it goes. If you have to have a painful conversation with someone rather than using a razor blade to slowly saw at what is bothering you (negatively fantasize and live in misery) why not use a sharp blade and make one single clean cut (create a positive vision and communicate authentic and clear)? In other words, if you already know that something had to be done, why wait and add days, weeks, or years of agony before you talk. Go ahead and do it, right away. Razor blade cuts are very painful and they have a tendency to take longer to heal. Clean cuts heal easily and are less painful and a sharp cut can be a win-win. For example, deal with a problem with an employee right away and it is resolved, that helps the business and helps the employee know his/her expectations. It’s good management and positions the company and the employee you invested in training, to be successful in his/her position. Or from the business perspective, if it can’t be salvaged, you have to let the employee go. You protect your business, reputation, and clients. End a relationship and it opens you up for a new one that gives you the things you want. Whatever is it, if you have to do it, get it done right away. You will save energy, aggravation and time.

Global Executive Coach and President of Clear Intentions International, Barbara Schwarck uses Neuro Emotional Coaching ™ to engage her clients in a 4-step process to experience much greater performance, profound change and deep personal satisfaction. She is the author of From Intuition to Entrepreneurship: A Women’s Guide to Following Her Dream. If you are a professional, executive or global leader who wants to make a difference but feel that something is holding you back, go to www.clearintentions.net.

“Empty your cup so that it may be filled; become devoid to gain totality.”
~ Bruce Lee

I recently attended a seminar on leadership in a multicultural context. There was a martial arts specialist there who told a story Bruce Lee would often tell to drive home the idea of combating adversity, being open-minded, getting to know ourselves and the world around us, and where we fit in.

A professor comes to learn from a wise Zen master, but it quickly becomes obvious to the Zen master that this professor is more interested in showing off his own knowledge then in learning. He interrupts the Zen master. He follows each story the Zen master tells with a story of his own instead of really listening (You know the type, the person who has to top your story about loss or success, or a failed attempt at something with one of their own instead of hearing you out and empathizing.). So the Zen master begins to pour a cup of tea. He fills the cup and keeps pouring, so that the cup is overflowing.

The professor stops him, saying the cup is overflowing, no more will fit in. The Zen master says to the professor, before you can really learn something you have to empty your cup.

The need for an empty cup, an open mind, is the basis for everything. Yet, in so many of our lives when we try to learn something new, we try to put things on top of things, never removing the true barriers or leaving behind the behaviors that don’t work for us. A common example of how we put things on top of things is bringing our past into the present moment and for that matter the future. We base our listening or actions on the past, holding people as well as ourselves to a behavior or way of being that might no longer be present. You might say to yourself things like: “I will never be able to write without making mistakes” or you might think that your boss will always treat you unfairly just because s/he has done so in the past.

I understand that we sometimes use the past to predict the future or make decisions in the present, but be careful not to use it as a way to limit yourself or corner people. I believe it’s really about emptying the cup, wiping the blackboard clean, and starting over if you want to change course and find your true meaning.

Peter Drucker, the writer and management consultant, has a similar philosophy. He said improve your strengths and neutralize your weaknesses. In other words, it’s not about fixing the status quo. Some things can’t be fixed: a bad marriage, a bully boss, trying to work analytically when you are really a creative spirit. But we get fixated sometimes on the wrong things, when we really should be looking at what we’re good at, what our strengths are, what we enjoy.

So how do you neutralize your weaknesses? How do you empty your cup and your life of the things that do not serve you, so that you can be open to the things that do.

At Clear Intentions’ we start with taking a look at who you are. It is the first step of your 4-step model to creating breakthroughs and bringing out the very best version of you. Sometimes you need to empty the cup and start fresh, not worry about what came before. Ok, you didn’t get started on this three years ago, that’s ok; you are here and ready to look at yourself now. Look at what you are good at and what you are not good at. I’m a good writer. I’m not good at math, for example. I’m introverted, not outgoing. Then seek or pursue the things that are true to who you are.

Next, look at how you can build upon your strengths, rather than try to build up your weaknesses. If more employers shaped the duties their employees have to their strengths instead of focusing on their weaknesses in employee performance reviews, employees and employers alike would be happier and productivity would skyrocket.

Last, don’t completely forget about your weaknesses. Instead, think about what you can do to neutralize them. Accept them and come into alignment with them. But don’t put all your energy into fighting them. The best way to come into alignment with them is to take a moment to accept your weaknesses. Nobody is good at everything. If you have a strong judgment about yourself, take some time to do what I call “forgiveness process.”

We all have weaknesses, all of us, even if we don’t want to admit it. That’s not a failure, that’s being human.

Accept those weaknesses; give yourself permission to have them. Then empty your cup of them. In other words stop pursuing the things that force them front and center, like the bad relationship, gaining acceptance from the bully boss instead of finding a better fit where you are or somewhere else, or trying to be someone you are not.

Be ok with yourself, empty your cup, and then fill your cup with what fulfills you. When you embrace who you are and what feels true to you, then you are ready to learn.

I have been doing a lot of mediation coaching in Pittsburgh and elsewhere helping management and staff work together better. It is not all that different from executive coaching because, after all, I am still talking to real people with real problems. When I am doing this work, I am often left with a feeling for how stringent we are in our beliefs, and how difficult it is for us to be free of judgments and to get our feelings heard. I’ve seen many times how placing judgment on the other members of the team slows productivity at work, and threatens relationships between partners and friends.

The biggest culprit I find in these situations is poor communication. We all probably fancy ourselves excellent communicators and can’t understand why someone else doesn’t follow our simple directions, train of thought, or idea. We walk away from conversations with our loved ones, coworkers, or friends with bruised feelings because we feel we have not been heard. In a recent survey with a global company I found that most of the 150 people who took part in a cross-cultural training thought that their communication was perfect but their co-workers were flawed and poor. When we point the finger, we are left feeling dis-empowered and hopeless. Issues are not resolved and work doesn’t get done efficiently.

Let me give you an example:
In my recent mediation coaching session I had the pleasure of working with an introvert and an extrovert. The introvert was complaining of too much talk and activity, and the extrovert had her feelings hurt because she did not feel received. The new office mate did not talk enough with her. After both parties got to air out their difference, and created a way to communicate their needs, they were able to create a positive work relationship where one was able to request quiet when it was needed and the other was able to be more talkative when requested.

I know this seem like a very silly example, but it is often those silly things that fester and create bad relationships at work. Add the gossip and victim hood on top of it and it is to no one’s surprise that 70 percent of people are dissatisfied at work.

Communication is about being received, being seen, and being gotten. It’s hard to have that between two people if you’re coming from two different places, especially judgment. If you are wondering why this matters think about this: happiness could be the underlying factor for success, and there is science to back that up. Thomas Wright, Jon Wefald Leadership Chair in Business Administration and professor of management at K-State, found employee well-being is tied to higher performance. And employee performance is, after all, tied to a company’s bottom line. Happy workers make better decisions and have better interpersonal behavior.

This makes happiness a valuable tool for maximizing organizational outcomes. Economists too have found a link between happiness and productivity. In recent research, Andrew Oswald, a professor of economics at Warwick Business School, found happier workers were 12 percent more productive. Unhappier workers were 10 percent less productive. Yes, this is nothing new but something to remember. Heard employees are happy and engaged employees that are more likely to take the company to double-digit growth.

In order to hear and be heard, we have to be open to the conversation. But so many of us go into a meeting or a disagreement with our partner with preconceived ideas or thoughts about the person that make it difficult for us to listen and communicate. We have filters on, filters from the past, filters for how it is, and filters for what we want. What if you went in to a meeting or a disagreement with your partner and decided instead to be generous and listen to them with new ears. Forget about the past and really receive what they are saying or participate in a dialogue instead of a lecture? What if you tried meeting your colleague or partner in a place where they are comfortable?

I know two coworkers who have very different styles of communication. One wants to document everything in email and isn’t much for talking things through. The other likes to talk out ideas face-to-face. What if the email worker spent a little time talking to her colleague, fleshed out some ideas, and then they both documented the results of their meeting in an email. Well that’s a win-win. The colleague who likes to talk can feel she has been heard and it may help the email colleague find that the conversation sparked a new way of looking at things for her. And still, the email colleague will have her documentation and be able to see that real results came out of the conversation.

Once we’re open to a conversation and receiving the person on the other end of the conversation, new ideas can be born and better relationships can be built, whether it is at work or at home. And what’s more science seems to be proving that by doing this, we are likely to build a better app, find a more cost effective solution, and retain employees.

Well, if taking care of yourself is deemed as selfish, I am one who fully does not subscribe to that mentality one bit. Not only don’t I subscribe to it, I will assert that it is counterproductive and unhealthy. Let’s take a closer look.

What good does it do when you have stress for 25 days of the month and then relax for 2 or 3 days? You may think that is the best you can do with all of your obligations, wants and needs. “Two days is better that nothing,” you may say. Certainly, two days are better than none at all but why not have a more balanced approach? Imagine what would be possible if you would take care of yourself on a day-to-day basis. Instead of craving a day of r& r, you could feel relaxed most of the time. Instead of needing to stay late at the office to clean up or complete projects, your time management skills would have allowed you to take care of yourself as well as getting the project done. In order to be an effective leader on any level, we need to manage our energy effectively. We are more creative when we are well rested, we are more effective in a crisis situation when are emotions are balanced, and we are able to deal with change when we know who we are not who we are not.

You are all up to big things and you impact many. You want your team, your company, your employees, and all your constituents to all take care of themselves. Happier and more relaxed people are more productive and better at taking and implementing direction and communication. It’s the same for you, no exceptions on this one.

Give yourself the opportunity to relax every day. When we are more balanced, small activities of self-care go a long way. That way there is no need for long transition times when going on vacation. Many of us Type A personalities use up 50% of the vacation time shifting gears. Some of you never let go entirely.

Okay, you’ve got the point and are game. So, what would it look like? Believe it or not, much of taking care of yourself has to do with time management and commitments. A good way to start is to make appointments with yourself. Take out your hand held and lock in some time to take care for yourself. Here are some examples you can do before or after work. Some, do while at your office. Set the time and make it a daily ritual to take a minimum of 15 minutes.

• Create 15 minutes of quiet time or meditation
• Drink a cup of herbal or decaf tea after work
• Go for a walk at lunch hour
• Buy flowers for yourself
• Watch a movie
• Turn all electronic devices off for 30 minutes
• Take a bubble bath
• Get together with a friends (not work related)
• Read a few pages
• Cook a fresh, healthy meal
• Take your partner out for a meal, sans children

The ideas are endless. All you need to do is begin.

Global Executive Coach and President of Clear Intentions International, Barbara Schwarck uses Neuro Emotional Coaching™ to engage her clients in the process of working with their own consciousness to experience greater performance, profound change and deep personal satisfaction. She is the author of From Intuition to Entrepreneurship: A Women’s Guide to Following Her Dream. If you are an executive or thought leader who wants to make a difference, go to www.clearintentions.net.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
~ Winston Churchill

Once a month I am honored to facilitate a master’s in spiritual science course. The purpose of the two-year class is to encourage students to apply teachings of practical spirituality and gain greater clarity of the presence of Spirit in their everyday lives. During the last class I had to lecture on negativity, more specifically, I had to identify body parts that judged. As I was going through the exercise, I watched myself generating negativity on purpose. It was powerful. I started to feel dizzy, my spelling became atrocious and inside I felt little and small. I wanted to stop and sit down.

Yes, we know that negativity will do that to us. When it creeps into our consciousness, it will stop us from following through with a project, telling a loved one how we feel, or taking a promotion or a new job. We all have these feelings, and that’s ok. The important part is how we process them and make sure they don’t keep us from moving forward.

Most of us generate a substantial amount of negativity every day. Often the negativity that holds us back is subtle. We tell stories about an experience we had or a situation we were in over and over again that reinforces our negative feelings, and we might not even know it. While most of it is unconscious, a good amount of it is conscious. So today I want to talk about negativity, the negativity we generate ourselves, how we notice it, process it, and turn it around in order to move forward.

I recently delivered a workshop to a group of CEOs on the topic of communication and listening. After practicing different ways to listen, one of the CEOs started to talk about his mother and his inability to listen to her complain about the neighbors. He felt hostage to her stories and had started to spend less and less time with her. Things had gotten so bad that he was generating negativity around his mother even when he had not talked to her. He was somewhat aware of the situation but was clueless that he essentially was repeating his mother’s behavior. His negativity was impacting his marriage and his self-esteem. He felt stuck and life was miserable.

Once he became aware of his negative response to his mom’s negativity, he was able to control the situation. With a little bit of Neuro Emotional Coaching® he was able to neutralize his reaction to his mother and approach her with more generosity and love. She in return did not feel the need to be so negative in their conversations.

When we tell these negative stories over and over, we generate the negativity we felt then and never get to the positive part. In telling these stories to friends, colleagues, or at parties, we never move forward. We just tell the story, not consciously knowing the impact, and maybe not even being attuned to the fact that after we tell the story, we feel a heavy weight.

I’ll give you an example from my own life. I’m very dyslexic. And often I find myself saying, even joking, “it’s hard to believe someone can get their doctorate and write a book and have dyslexia, right.” Instead of celebrating all of my accomplishments, I’m regenerating the negativity around my dyslexia. What am I left with, my dyslexia and not my accomplishments. Here’s an even more subtle way we draw up negativity. When talking to children, how often do you give negative direction: “Don’t spill that.” “No you can’t watch another video.” We even talk to adults like that: “Don’t miss the deadline” or “Don’t disappointment me.” Our language is sloppy, we are not present and our lips move without accountability.

So how do you break this cycle? You can control and watch your language. Be aware of your feelings and how much negativity you generate for yourself when you retell a story about a life experience or gossip at work. Be aware of how what you are saying impacts others and yourself. If you are feeling negative about something, take some time to figure out what it is all about. Why are you triggered? Who triggered you?

And what if you changed your language and instead of saying, “don’t spill that,” said “let’s put your cup on the table.” Or, instead of saying, “No, you can’t watch another video,” said, “How about we play a game.”

Whether the story you tell is: “I don’t like my job, but I need the paycheck,” or “The economy is bad, but I can’t do anything about it, or “the client said he wants elephants in his brochure, so why should I knock myself out preparing other samples,” what you are doing is making yourself powerless. What DO you want to do, be powerless or take the situation back?! Rephrase and re-frame. How would it feel to say: “I’m making a paycheck and I am going to do a, b, and c, so that when the economy picks up, I’m ready.” “I’m going to look for a new job.” “I’m going to prepare the brochure the client asked for, but take a chance and prepare another version with some other ideas.” Yes, we all feel negativity every single day. What you do with it makes the difference between feeling powerful or powerless.

Worrying can lead to stress. What do we accomplish when we worry? Focus your mind on actions rather than on worrying! Action brings less stress. ~Catherine Pulsifer

I just passed the US Citizenship Exam!

In my preparation, I asked people some of the questions on the test and found out most people didn’t know the answers.

Here’s a question, try it out. And no cheating and looking it up. How many amendments are there to the constitution? The answer will be at the end of this post.

This was a very stressful time for me. I had a lot riding on this test. We all have faced a similar situation, where we have a lot riding on something: a big presentation, meeting our significant others family and friends.

How did I get through it? How do you get through it? Well, the bottom line is you have to know what you really want. I wanted to pass the test and become a US citizen. So how did I approach the test to make it more manageable and less stress inducing so that I could move forward, and ultimately pass. Here are three easy tips:

A. You have to be prepared and have a plan of action. I had to make time to study. What did that mean and what would it look like for me? I listened to the 100 questions and answers to the “citizenship test” on a CD’s provided by the immigration that I downloaded to my iPod. This worked for me because I travel a lot. In order to really study, I couldn’t just listen to the CD from start to finish and memorize the answers. I’d always be going over the same questions in the same order. So I put the CD on shuffle, that way I wouldn’t be covering the same questions over and over again, or become accustomed to the order.

What would being prepared look like for you? If you are putting together a presentation for a client, maybe making another phone call to the client to be sure you know the clients wants and needs. Or, practicing your presentation in front of the mirror, or in front of a group of friends, to work out the kinks.

B. On the day of the test, presentation or meeting the future in-laws, you have to relax. When your brain is in a relaxed state you can better recall the answers or the information you need to convey. When you are relaxed, you present yourself in a better way. Being relaxed also allows you to be generous with yourself rather than judge yourself. You know the thoughts that creep in when you’re in a frenzied state of mind. Why didn’t I study more? What if I didn’t prepare enough for this client? What if they don’t like me? Too often our default position is what if I fail. Re-presence yourself with what you want then relax.

C. Reward yourself. You worked hard and passed the test, landed the client, your in-laws love you. Give yourself credit for a job well done. After I passed the US Citizenship exam I took myself out to dinner. And, when it is all over and I am a naturalized citizen, I will invite all my friends for a true American party; hot dogs, hamburgers, apple pie, corn, lemonade and country music. You name it we will have it.

Stress management, lets face it we can’t avoid stress entirely, is really about being flexible and adaptable when chaotic situations or people place excessive demands on us. When do we feel most stressed? When we’re not prepared, when we’re out of our comfort zone. By knowing what you want, being prepared, relaxing when you have done all you can do to meet the challenge, and rewarding yourself when you have meet it head on, you will be better equip to deal with stressful situations.

Now for the answer to the question from my exam. How many amendments are there to the Constitution? There are 27. Extra credit: The first 10 amendments are known as the Bill of Rights.

I went to yoga the other day and the yoga teacher told a wonderful story about a man who goes to the river every day to get water, carrying two pots. One pot was perfect, the other had cracks in it. So each day by the time he got back from the river, most of the water had seeped out of the broken pot. This went on for weeks.

One day the pot said to the man, you have two of us here and one is perfect and I am not. Why do you hold on to me? The man asked the pot if it had noticed all the beautiful flowers along the path to the river. The pot had not noticed. I know you have cracks in you, the man said. So I took the time to plant seeds. Your water that seeped out watered those seeds, which are now beautiful flowers.

I left yoga feeling energized. I could not stop thinking how meaningful this story is to our everyday lives. If we can live with our imperfections (and we all have them), and not resist them, if we can see the beauty in them and ourselves, we would be so much further along in our life, in our work, in our being.

At the end of most alignment processes I do with clients is a step of forgiveness. Forgiveness is about two things a. accepting the imperfections in ourselves as well as others and b. letting go of the judgments we placed on ourselves and/or others. When we can just accept the weaknesses we have, and just be, we don’t have to resist ourselves any more. When we accept all parts of ourselves, we are happier with ourselves, our families, our work and, in the end, our life. By accepting our imperfections we are able to see the beauty in ourselves.

Too often we focus on our imperfections. We think: I could be thinner; I could have gotten an A instead of an A- on an exam; I could have finished that project in two days rather than 3 days. That kind of thinking never leaves you satisfied with your accomplishments, never lets you be proud of the last sale you made, never lets you soak in what you have learned, or enjoy a personal best. Imagine if instead you were proud of yourself for the weight you did lose, left a class thinking, “ I learned a lot today,” or accomplished to finish a difficult project.

I recently worked with a man who was distraught about his career. He was very accomplished and knowledgeable in his field but had not done little to advance himself. At the age of 57 with a Ph.D. he was underemployed and underpaid. On top of it he felt that everyone had passed him up and it was too late to do anything. He had no real vision for himself. He hated to go to out with people he did not know and always felt awkward when people ask him what he did. Using Neuro Emotional Coaching it became obvious that he was judging himself profusely and that he felt very bad about himself. After a period of talk and reflection I guided him through a forgiveness process where he had a change to let go of all of his imperfections and judgments he had put on himself. He should know better. He was lazy. Why didn’t he have a clear vision and he should have worked harder to begin with.

A day later he called me and reported that a cloud had lifted from his shoulders. He felt fine to talk about his career was happy to be a student at age 55 and felt excited about figuring out what was next.

So what happened and how do you break this cycle? Start everyday with a review. Look at the things that went well and what didn’t go so well. Appreciate these good things about yourself (you’re a good listener, for example) as well as your imperfections (you are not so good at being organized). Forgive yourself for them and for the judgments you make of others. This will end your day in a state of peace, harmony, and joy. In time you will see the flowers growing along the path, instead of the cracks in the pot.

I went to yoga the other day and the yoga teacher told a wonderful story about a man who goes to the river every day to get water, carrying two pots.  One pot was perfect,
the other had cracks in it.  So each day by the time he got back from the river, most of the water had seeped out of the broken pot.  This went on for weeks.

One day the pot said to the man, you have two of us here and one is perfect and I am not.  Why do you hold on to me?  The man asked the pot if it had noticed all the beautiful flowers along the path to the river.  The pot had not noticed.  I know you have cracks in you, the man said.  So I took the time to plant seeds.  Your water that seeped out watered those seeds, which are now beautiful flowers.

I left yoga feeling energized.  I could not stop thinking how meaningful this story is to our everyday lives.  If we can live with our imperfections (and we all have them), and not resist them, if we can see the beauty in them and ourselves, we would be so much further along
in our life, in our work, in our being.

At the end of most neuro emotional alignment processes I do with clients is a step of forgiveness.  Forgiveness is about two things: accepting the imperfections in ourselves as well as others, and letting go of the judgments we placed on ourselves and/or others.  When we can just accept the weaknesses we have, and just be, we don’t have to resist ourselves any more.  When we accept all parts of ourselves, we are happier with ourselves, our families, our work, and,
in the end, our life.  By accepting our imperfections we are able to see the beauty in ourselves.  

Too often we focus on our imperfections.  We think: I could be thinner; I could have gotten an A instead of an A- on an exam; I could have finished that project in two days rather than 3 days.  That kind of thinking never leaves you satisfied with your accomplishments, never lets you be proud of the last sale you made, never lets you soak in what you have learned, or enjoy a personal best.  Imagine if instead you were proud of yourself for the weight you did lose, left a class thinking, “ I learned a lot today,” or finished a difficult project.

I recently worked with a man who was distraught about his career.  He was very accomplished and knowledgeable in his field but had done little to advance himself. At the age of 57 with a Ph.D. he was underemployed and underpaid.  On top of that, he felt that everyone had passed him up and it was too late to do anything.  He had no real vision for himself.  He hated to go out with people he did not know and always felt awkward when people asked him what he did.  Using Neuro Emotional Coaching it became obvious that he was judging himself profusely and that he felt very bad about himself.  After a period of talk and reflection, I guided him through a forgiveness process where he had a chance to let go of all of his imperfections and the judgments he had put on himself:  He should know better.  He was lazy. Why didn’t he have a clear vision, and he should have worked harder to begin with.

A day later he called me and reported that a cloud had lifted from his shoulders.  He felt fine
to talk about his career, was happy to be a student at age 57, and felt excited about figuring out what was next.

So what happened and how do you break this cycle?  Start everyday with a review. Look at the
things that went well and what didn’t go so well.  Appreciate these good things about yourself
(you’re a good listener, for example) as well as your imperfections (you are not so good at being organized).  Forgive yourself for them and for the judgments you make of others.  This will end your day in a state of peace, harmony, and joy.  In time you will see the flowers growing along the path, instead of the cracks in the pot.

• work/life balance;
• where your next sale is going to come from;
• the competition; and
• how to keep your staff or family happy.

A common thread for balancing all of these concerns is staying connected; that is connected to your goals, connected to the people who work with and for you, connected to what the competition is doing, and connected to the people in your life.

What happens when you don’t stay connected. We can learn some valuable lessons from a very big case in the news right now, Rupert Murdoch and the phone hacking and bribery scandal that is bringing down his signature publication News of the World, and threatens his media empire.

Murdoch insists he knew nothing about what was going on at News of the World. I’m not debating his integrity here, or whether he was or wasn’t in touch with what was really going on.

But the case itself reminded me that we often have blind spots as leaders. Ask yourself, are you clueless about your finances or balancing your checkbook if you are the CEO of your own life? When was the last time you looked at production in the warehouse? Do you delegate important parts of your life and/or business and forget about them.

So, today I thought I’d write about what you need to do to stay in touch with yourself and those around you whether you are running a business or a household.

1. Have an overall vision or goal.
You need a goal or vision to get where you want to go in business or in life. It does not need to be the 20-year overwhelming life vision. Start with something small. Without a vision you are aimlessly wandering around. By knowing what you want to achieve you know where to start.

2. Set some goals that are in line with your vision.
Once you have the bigger vision you need to have goals with targets that you can reach and measure. Use the “SMART” goal system when you do that. Don’t forget to assign responsibilities. Who is in charge of what? You will not be able to executive all of your goals, but you must make sure that all goals are being executed.

3. Maintain regular communication.
Very seldom do things go as planned. Ask any mother with two little children and she will tell you more often than not she has to adjust plans because something came up at the last minute. For example, she has to unexpectedly work late but one child has a soccer game and the other has a music lesson. She calls her husband and arranges for him to take one child to soccer practice. Next, she calls her sister to take the other child to her music lesson. And she communicates to both her husband and her sister that she can pick up both children, and a pizza, on the way home from work. What would happen if she didn’t make the call and communicate the new plan down the line? Things would probably come to a standstill.

The same is true in business. It’s not enough to communicate regularly, but also to talk about what is working and not working in how you run your household or business.

Be sure that the person got your communication. And one little tidbit: judgment and blame are optional. They usually slow the process down.

4. Be accountable and have accountability within the ranks.
Know your company is a reflection of you and always will be. First and foremost it is your job to hold yourself accountable and then you can hold everyone else accountable. Being accountable does not mean doing a perfect job. Being accountable means doing what you said you were going to do. For example, I have a pretty intense excise program. I run 3+ times a week, and I do yoga 3+ times a week. I have goals for each work out. I am accountable to myself by showing up at yoga or on the treadmill. There are times when I can do exactly what I set out to do, but there are days when I can do more or have a better work out. Then there are days when I’m capable of less. I am okay with that. As long as I showed up and did the best I could, I consider myself to be accountable. If I didn’t do my best, I get to be with that, and look at what happened to see how I can do better next tie. I am not perfect, and I am no longer in need of pretending that I ever will be.

Human beings will never be perfectly accountable or see all the blind spots, the real issue is how we respond to what’s going on. In the case of Murdock, you can be the judge of that.